happy;ness ♥

.Sunday, June 21, 2009 ' 8:59 AM Y

Title : Why?

I remember clearly, the days when i was young, hoping to grow up, to get out of school and work.

My parent was self-empolyed (the reason i uses was is because they are ending their business for 8 years, officially next month.), I got the idea that "when i grow up i can choose the time to and not to work".

So everyday I dreamt of growing up.

I even thought that I was actually an adult just that someone cast a spell on me and BOOM I became a kid.

Those days were real, but why they feel unreal?

Why was I so naive?

As you grow up, you will learn that it is actually better to act dumb.

As if you are stupid, so that you will not realise all sort of scary man-kinds around us.

Those who gets proud for stupid things, those who think they are kings and queens and those who are thinking every mintue how to get attentions and so on.

I hate to think. I am sick of thinking.

Why?

We were rich, now that we are poor, we are pest in others eyes.

Who will really lend us a helping hand? Who will really care?

Family?

Shit the word family.

Anyway... I feel so busy... Yet I am doing nothing but stone there hoping by problems could fly away :X

I shall work hard...

...

I will try to work hard.

So everyone! Try your best too =D

♥ ♥ ♥ her story , her way , her endinq ♥ ♥ ♥

.Sunday, June 14, 2009 ' 7:28 AM Y

I really have no confidence anymore.
Can we really get back to when it was - happy moments?
He is starting to doubt me and himself.
I am really sad about it. Yet what can I do.
I know I am wrong. To have such a bad attitude plus lots of bad habits (always being late).
However will you still believe in I will change?
I do not know if I can let you be happy which we used to be.
I am sorry.. Perhaps, in your life, i am just a trespasser, never should had existed.
You say if you love someone, it does not mean that you will be with him or her forever.
I know you were right. Still I am not as courageous as i thought i could be.
"We should be with someone who can help and make us happy", in another words, I no longer could bring joy to you.
I know... I am not capable as you, neither am I capable in helping you.
I should let you go... Shouldn't I? Please... Just stay there for a moment. When time is up, I will not stop you from leaving me.

Love, Xinyi.

♥ ♥ ♥ her story , her way , her endinq ♥ ♥ ♥

.Wednesday, June 10, 2009 ' 9:38 AM Y

Tired of Mum nagging... Such a pain!

Kept nagging and nagging saying I am a coward in front of others put speak confidently or talk back confidently to her. :S

A-ha... OK! I am wrong for spending so much money on the phone.

However i had already asked you before to ask the Singtel Company if they offer to change to unlimited SMS. Yet you simply ignored me! Now she is asking me why am didn't I ask instead. Started scolding "why are you so dependent in others?"

She is also dependent on others. LOL!

Now she is still nagging saying i am really go in talking back with her but not others! LAME!!!

How the heck she knows what I am like in front of others?

Lazy to quarrel with her.

♥ ♥ ♥ her story , her way , her endinq ♥ ♥ ♥

.Saturday, June 6, 2009 ' 11:21 AM Y

Geez...

I have no idea what am i doing here!

I read Caryl's blog, and it was really interesting.

Part of the reason could be her standard of language; I must admit that there are so many people out there who are smarter or better than me in one way or the other.

Foong Ting, Bh, Fk as well as Willy are really smart.

Meng Ci, someone you should not under-estimate is genuinely smart too.

Caryl is strong in her language.

Maple, a smart and confident person, no wonder she is a successful chairperson.

Both Joyce and Edmund have kind soul and are willing to offer help. (hence they are popular among our class)

What am I?

She says that she did not dislike me, though she does find me annoying.

Another "friend" told me that she really dislike me as I love to tell her how "bad life is and how pessimistic I was"

The fact is, she was the one who brought out that part of me.

Perhaps it might be something good? At least I am not as naive as I was.

She taught me the "meaning of life" and not think that life is like a bed of roses.

I used to think i was smart, that was before i met her.

I thought the reason to why i cannot win FT is because I was not hard working enough.

Soon I prove myself wrong.

I would not say i am a hard-worker, as if I say so, it will be unfair to those who really are.

However, at least I was more hardworking than she was.

In the end I did worst than she did.

A-ha... MC, had always think I am not as smart as FT and I would not deny it after all this while.

I am still pessimistic. I cannot figure out the meaning of life.

Ps: If I or did i not mention your name in the "list", I am sorry and that DOES NOT mean you are not smart/confident or anything...

Vacation!!!

Woo-hoo! Finally, you are here!

Had not been enjoying myself for quite sometime.

However this is not a time to enjoy myself either.

I had projects to do, MST to prepare for and my job which have to done by mid June(draft).

Accounting.

Since when did I become an Accountancy?

Well it is fun, how many times in life can you try out different aspect of jobs?!

And I got the chance.

I had tried being a Boss (parents shop), sales promoter, accountant, worked for the MOE, being a tutor (free)...

If you ask me is it fun to be an accountant? I would reply "not really".

Since you will receive lots of files for you to read and key in.

I will be going through the files again... Bye D:

♥ ♥ ♥ her story , her way , her endinq ♥ ♥ ♥

.Monday, June 1, 2009 ' 7:40 AM Y

Sad...
I am totally sad.
I had not been posting anything in my blog since I do not see any necessarily to it.

But...

Today started off bad.

So bad that I woke up with my stomach killing me and wished that I was sent to the hospital.

It was an omen! However I ignored the hint and my iPod that someone I love, gave to me on my birthday was gone.

He must be mad, no... He is, so does he feel disappointed.

Why am i so careless? Why am I such an idiot?!
Why? Why? Why?
Could time be turned back?

Bh told me before that if only human could move faster than the speed of light, and then will there be a chance to turn time back.
If only the iPod was what I bought for myself, then could I not feel so guilty and unhappy!
When i realised I lost it, I ran back to where I last left it to search for it. I was running mad. When I reached there, I was sad but expected, that it was gone.
I went to my last classroom, and the kind staff, showed me to the room where lost and found item are.
It was beside where I left my iPod. Nothing was being returned.
Chances of retrieving it are ZERO.
When i was at the office, I wanted to cry and yell “NO! Are you kidding me?!
Stop lying please!”
Joyce called and asked if I found it and if I were fine.
A-ha! I want to cry! How could I be fine?
Later when I went back to library to meet Joyce, she comforts me and says she loses lot of gift from her boyfriend too. All of them were rather expensive. Yet her boyfriend always got a new one for her. He did not blame her.
Perhaps due to the fact that her boyfriend did not scold her, it gave me the courage to tell him the truth.

I do not expect him to buy a new one for me, I just hope he would not be upset and feel disappointed by me.

At first i thought of lying him.
Thought of buying another iPod to replace the lost one.
However the meaning behind that gift would not be there anymore.

If the iPod was bought by me, i would not feel as sad and bad now.
Not that I do not feel sad and hurt.
At least i can skip the part on me, being guilty.

Dear... I know you will not be reading this, since you have no interest in reading my blog.
I am really sorry for losing it.
I do not want to at all.
I love you.

Night to everyone.

♥ ♥ ♥ her story , her way , her endinq ♥ ♥ ♥