.Friday, August 15, 2008 ' 9:14 AM Y
Like the last post, i do not really know what to write.
I am getting a bit sick and tired of hiding all my emotions in my heart.
However at the same time i get more use to it and sometimes i just did that without myself knowing.
I am getting a bit sick and tired of hiding all my emotions in my heart.
However at the same time i get more use to it and sometimes i just did that without myself knowing.
Me...
Who can i really trust?
No one.
This is the answer you will get if i let out my true self.
Sometimes people just make you think and know how small you really are.
Because of imperfection, we have emotions.
Whenever i look into the mirror, i saw the same eyes looking straight into mine.
I looked into hers', but i had no clues at all of what she is thinking.
Remember about my "O" level Chinese result?
"B4."
Previously, i had gotten back my Math and Principle Of Accounts as well.
Both a "B3".
To a lot of people who had not sat for the "O" levels, think that my result are already good enough.
However to those people who sat for "O" levels, they know it is a rather difficult and sad situation.
I remembered that particular day clearly.
Everyone who sat for the exam were waiting anxiously for their 'fate' to be announced.
I seat among them. Soon i was being called upon to receive my grades.
Miss Lim and Miss Tay gave me my result without saying any words.
I took it over and sadly, 2 "B3" is what was printed on it.
Due to curiosity people came to ask for my result.
I fought hard to plaster a smile on my face.. They gave the "oh i see" face and went on to ask others.
I was sad by the truth no one cares.
Unlike me, Ft got 2 "A1"..
Many people went over to congratulate her. I was left at a corner, looking at them laugh.
I was out of the picture. Then Ft was being asked to meet the Vice Principal.
I waited for her outside the General Office. Thinking about what i can do to keep my smile, stopping it from fading into an 'n' shape.
I waited and waited, for more than 15 minutes before i decided to leave.
It was until the next day did i knew that she was in the hall all the time talking to others.
That day i went home with a heavy heart. I wanted to cry out but i knew i can't.
I heard from others that Zy cried.
He said "At first i was only disappointed with my result but when all the people came asking for my result and asked me not to be sad, showing their care and concern for me, i can't hold back anymore"
Seriously, i was so envy of that as no one asked me to cheer up.
All they had said was "oh" and went off.
Not even Ft said any words.
(Even though she meant well by trying not to touch my wounds, i felt as though she had poured salt onto it instead.)
I was also envious of the happy nature of Ft too.
She is well-liked by so many people.
She talks to anyone and most of the time i can only listen to their conversation..
As Ft seat beside me most of the time in class, i was always in their conversation, playing the dumb role.
They laughed, i smiled. They joked, i hear. They talked, i listened.
That is a fun role. (how sarcastic)
She is well-liked by so many people.
She talks to anyone and most of the time i can only listen to their conversation..
As Ft seat beside me most of the time in class, i was always in their conversation, playing the dumb role.
They laughed, i smiled. They joked, i hear. They talked, i listened.
That is a fun role. (how sarcastic)
"Can i cry?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because i hate you. "
Ha ha.
Really. I am not a kind-hearted girl.
I am selfish and wicked and i really hate this part of me.
I am just a great pretender.
Don't ever be fooled by me -^^-
I always said i wish for nothing when i do things. Bullshit.
I wished people would care just a little bit more for me.
How i wish someone would say this to me..
Sad things are what you expect when you had been really depressed and had, had enough of every single thing that might just happen.
Someday things will just get better without you realising it.. So just smile and let your trouble vanished into thin air.^^
CooL!
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JoKe =.=
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