Twinkle Purple Rainbow

突然有些感概。。。

2011-04-10T03:41:00.000-07:00

人生如此短暂，有时候时间会在不知不觉中流失、有时又会在忙碌中消失。
但是你会记得多少时光呢？
人往往会在不经时伤害最深爱自己的人。
而在事后却又理直气壮地认为自己是对的。
谁能无过呢？
谁都曾经年少无知，总觉得所有的事都理所当然。。。
懂得这道理的人总会宽容的原谅你。
但仔细想想，世上竟然没有免费的午餐，那又哪来的天经地义？
如果不是爱着你又何必选择包容与原谅呢？
有些爱是默默付出，有些则是光明正大的表现出来。
我的爱在不同的人身阶段有着不同的差异。

小时候的梦想从来没有从我心窝中离开。
爱也不曾减少但你是否会发现呢？
不擅长于表达的我总会把爱埋在心底。

Different World

2011-02-26T06:26:00.000-08:00

I came to realized that some people you know and you yourself lives in 2 different world.
Loves makes wonder.
That is what I often hear about what people says but surprisingly my love is quite the opposite.
It brought out the worst of me; my bad attitude, the real me I fought hard to hide.
I always thought I am a person filled with sorrow, I'm a person who is quiet and hates laughing but I'm wrong.
I love to laugh at stupid things I am always caught red handed of doing stupid things too... I love to love and giggle and chat everything around the world with my close friends and I love to complain when I'm sad.
I always complain...

There are 2 girl friends of mine that can bring out the character I thought that had never existed in me.
I can be really rude to them but in fact they are the people who I really treasure too.

As for guys, there still exist barrier.
The one I love, he seems to not be able to accept me as much as I hope he can. I'm not gifted with a nice voice to sing but I love to sing the songs I love. I'm not gifted with a smart brain but I tried to use my little brain. I'm not gifted with a kind hard so I try my best to be kind. You may say I'm a great pretender and I will never deny.
I am do afraid that people could not like me as who I am that I shut myself up. Just when I thought he might be able to do so, he shut me back in my doors... What a pathetic person I really am.

I will stop here today, thanks for reading!

With love,
Twinkle

Partner

2011-02-20T05:45:00.000-08:00

There a lot of different kind of people out there, lot of surprise and perhaps lots fun.
However at the end of the day, you will still go back to the same place, same person as you know that he or she will always be there for you.

Therefore, girls have to find a man who truly love her the way she is.
That man must be able to take in all your nonsense and at the end of the day still love you the way you are.

For guys, find a girl who you truly love, judge not by her physical appearance and someone who you are willing to share your trouble with.

For me, I'm not an understanding partner and someone who isn't forgiving neither am I sensitive to small details... Sometimes I wonder, am I fit to be love?

Do I have the rights to be sad?

2011-02-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

Serves me right for bring with him.
Serve me right for being useless.
I never ever said I am the most important thing. Never did I say that I must be the most important thing in his life. Just that sometimes, just sometimes, when I'm in need, is it possible for you to show that I'm at least a bit important?

I hate to feel so unimportant. I hate the way you say how selfish how I am.
No matter what I say, I'm just as selfish as you think I'm isn't it?

With love,
Twinkle

exam brings out the worst of me

2011-02-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

The me without exams is carefree
and the me now is timeless... well or with plenty of time bit little interest in the textbook. Seriously, the one that invented exams must had hated lazy bums like me. I'm going to study a little right now...
To those whose exams are around the corner like me, I wish you good luck! xD

With love,
Twinkle.

Just for the sake of fun!

2011-02-14T05:32:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I'm really bored right now. hence I downloaded an application that allows me to blog on my itouch. -_-"
To be more specified, I'm more tired than bored. I would really love the idea of shutting off my eyes and play in the land I name it as clover land.

In the Clover land, it is filled with love and adventure. All you have to do is name the adventure trip you want and boom- the fairy god mother will bring you just the place you want to find yourself at!
life there is pretty much simple.

Back to reality, land as such do exist... At the very least, we have to know what we want before we can set on our adventure right?
Hahax I hereby hope you find your perfect journey that suits you best!

With love,
twinkle.

Back again?!

2011-02-13T09:49:00.000-08:00

It had been a while since I last blogged!
I could not promised that I will be back for good, nor will I say that I will be gone for good either!
I just found Picasa interesting! Allowing me to blog, without going to blogger.com.
The internet changes fast, so does the applications, getting better as each days past by.
How about your life? Did it changes and gets better?
For me, I am not so sure yet! Just that I figure out that I should focus on what I have to do before thinking what is ahead of me.
Someone close taught me this long before yet...
It never really went into me.

Now that he is gone, am I starting to miss him?

Well I bet I do!
After all, I really treat him as a friend...
Even till now, he is my best friend!

By the way happy valentine everyone!

May you enjoy this very day with the one you love most! (including your families xD)

Also I wish everyone a happy week ahead, no Mondays blue! (For the sake of valentine!) xD

Love,
twinkle

Get away!

2010-06-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm really tired. Please let me have a rest...
I do not want to have any exams, all I want is to sleep!
All I want is to rest.
I am almost at my limit.
Can anyone save me?

2010-05-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

Life is funny.

For a moment everything looks so fine.
However once you turn around and look again, life would not be as sweet as you thought it was.

Did a survey yesterday, "What would you wish to lost (a part of your body) considering the meaning."
I chose my heart as it is making all these mess.

I am not making any sense. I do not know what I am trying to say.
All I know is, the current me is not a happy one.
There are never ending things to do. My marks seems to drop.
I hate it. I hate feeling so useless.
Always feel inferior. Tried my best to be the best when all I am is still the original me.

No matter how much I do, how hard I work, I cannot see myself standing in the place I thought I could be there.
I start to doubt myself. I do not feel myself knowing what I am studying. I am studying to study, to get good grades.
If ever, I am led to the outside world using my knowledge I got in this course, I am simply nobody.
So many people out there are so much better than me.

By the way,

the song for today is -

Behind these hazel eyes

Kelly Clarkson

Thanks for reading, hope your life is better than mine!

Somewhere over the rainbow...

2010-04-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

Feeling kinda bored, so I went around reading.
Came across a post that says what really hurts is not losing the one you love but the memories that will leave with you.
Then I came across a girl in facebook who wrote in the about me corner how a girl feels.
I wonder to myself that is getting use to scary?
When you say "never-mind, after a while I will get use to it."
What do you really mean?

Is there happiness where rainbow end?

trying out

2010-03-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

trying out my new handphone!

...and here we are, drifted apart

2010-03-11T05:12:00.000-08:00

Title : ...and here we are, drifted apart.

It has been 6 days since we last met. Finally, finally we were able to contact each other through internet.

For so long of missing, it brings so much of sadness to my day.

We are different in so many ways.

These difference tends to be magnify especially when we are apart.

Days of missing, had not gone to waste. Since he does miss me too.

Yet why do I get these loneliness and differences?

He could light up my day.

For he is the star at night.

It might be dim to most, yet it is bright enough to light up the small chamber in my heart.

He stands there, shining brightly in the dark.

His brightness warmed my heart, and for a split seconds I thought...

I thought I could be as bright as he can...

For a split second... I wish, I wish to be beside him and tried... to struggle my way there...

However, no matter how hard I try to reach out my hands, he is a star.

High up in the sky.

Love never fade, yet hands got too tired that they stop reaching for the stars that could never be mine.

He must really be enjoying himself!

In fact, I do feel happy for him. Seriously...

Who am I to be feeling this loneliness?

Soon I will just be a memory. Long forgotten and long forsaken.

Wishing that I had never came cross his path.

I am so unwanted, so small and useless...

With so much of love, with so much of sleepless night, and here we are drifted apart.

Love,

XinYi

And how I hate to admit...

2010-03-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

Topic : And How I Hate To Admit...

Do not know why I always get this feeling; time really flies.

And how I would like to brag about my so "many" experiences in life, really frightens me.

Going on a trip to Bizlink tomorrow!

WOW... My first planned trip to a company for an event ever!

Kind of cool right?! =/

(>.<)

That trip was a trip for our project - SIP.

For the many reasons to why I joined SIP, the reason I like most is being able to gain lots of experience along the way!

At the start of SIP, we had to start from scratch. Find an organisation or a particular group of people who would like and accept our help.

From there, can we then move on to brainstorm on an idea to help them.

It was never an easy task. People tends to reject you as you are powerless.

You can say they look down on you, however, seriously, how sure are they or maybe are we that we can create an impact on someone's life?

The thought of it seems noble, but by actually doing it, proves a million thing and kills a thousand thoughts.

It begins by just a project for me to kill my free time, but now, it is a project that teaches me reasons and show me what the world out there is really like.

Being put as a leader and agrees to be one, is the most foolish thing I could had possibly done.

Perhaps being to eager to stand out was the real reason, yet it is really a tiring job that exhaust me out.

Sometimes I wonder why I should put in so much effort when everyone is seating down there, just waiting for a good end result.

And why they have so much to say when they contribute or does not wants to contribute anything at all?

I really love to help Bohan. Whatever he does or do, I just want to be part of it.

And how I hate to admit that he makes me angry with his arrogant attitude but he made me loves him more each day.

He will be going to Cambodia for 2 weeks.

I wonder will he fall in love with another girl and discard me?

How likely it will be... For I am a girl that a guy would possibly run away.

By then, how should I react? Or am I just thinking too much?

P.S I love you.

Can you promise to never go?

I will miss you, dear.

Innocence

2010-02-03T02:11:00.000-08:00

Title : Innocence

Today, is one of the moody days, I get, after quite sometime of putting on a strong front...

Life has changed dramatically, ever since I was in secondary 5.

From things I never thought I can, to things I had never even dare to dream of, they have changed, I have changed.

I do not know why, but somehow I did.

I had never dream of applying scholarship, never thought I can do well and most importantly, I had never ever thought, one day, I will be able to work on that direction of achieving the "unachievable", since all along, I thought it was impossible, especially for a girl like me.

However, shines of lights are came through the blind folds and I start to think, I might, be able to make it there someday.

Despite all this dramatic changes, my life continues as each day past by and I am getting older each and every second.

And if you ever heard me saying, "I don't miss my past a single bit", you will know I am lying.

That little girl that runs around freely, dance and dream of being a grown-up, is still hiding inside me. However, she seems to forgot, how simple life can be as each day passes by.

How I miss the days my sister tagged beside me and believe in each word I say.

How I miss the night we stayed up late, on the plan to watch sun-rise, when we were too ignorant to know that, it is impossible to see the sun rise from our house.

How I miss the night we sat and played with friends on the swing while we sing out loud the song : Top of the world.

And how I missed the days we spent dancing, Para Para Sakura just in-front the shop dad owned.

"Such a feeling coming over me, there is wonder in everything I see..."

- Top Of The World Lyrics

Will the days return?

I sure hope it does...

Here, this is the song of the day!

Top Of the world...

Yea, my sister and I, sang this song without knowing what the lyric means, yet, trust me, those days were fun!

Video of the day :

Time : 6.38 p.m

Date : 3-2-2010

2010-01-28T23:26:00.000-08:00

Title: What a busy week!

I am so so so so tired!!!

And if you have any question as to why I am as tired as I am, you would probably ask "why?".

Arhh...

I am in the school web writer "committee", and my teacher ask for a report on a CIP trip I been to by Monday.

It seems pretty long, till that Monday is really here, however if you were to be in my situation, i bet you will cry for help!

Submission of Java is to be made on Sunday. (7-2-10) We have to create 4 classes, one of it contains main. (I wonder how am I suppose to do that?)

Secondly, we have our IDEA presentation coming up on Thursday (4-2-10). Most likely it is a 2 man job again!

Thirdly, my networking is stuck in the middle of no-where! when every group is finishing up and submitting their reports?!

*why am I in such a miserable situation?!*

Fourthly, my F.E, well nothing much to complain since I have finish it beforehand.

TESTS are coming up too...

Networking, Java, GEMs...

All fall on the same week - next week...

I am dead...

By the way this is the video of the day!

Title: Never Give Up

By : Yolanda Adams

Quite a nice song, this is also my first time listening to her song.

Featuring Video Of the Day

P.S I really do not know what to choose for the next year...
Should I take the Fast Track Program or should I stick to normal diploma and get a diploma plus program...
OR Just be a plain girl, who does nothing but focuses on her studies and have no rights to dream...

Time : 5.09 p.m

Date : 29-01-10

2010-01-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

Title : Never So Fun

Yesterday was a super fun day!

Though not for the fact that I had a presentation and I was late for 30 mins (and the teacher actually did wait for me) neither was it for the meeting we had later in the evening...

Yet it was super fun as we went to plant trees!!!

Not really planting it, but we moved it into a bag, to help the birds who came to Singapore to have a place to eat and rest here.

So we dug up the soils and then we place it into the bag we were given!

Later we even form a long chains to pass the bags that are filled with soil.

However some were too heavy that the girls ask the guys to carry instead of me...

*Do I look like a kid?*

Video Of The Day

P.s I Love this song...

On a get away trip.

2010-01-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

Title : On a get away trip.

I feel so bored and tired.

With all my work piling and never seems to be decreasing, I am now officially on a get away trip.

That is to, run far far away from them! (Are you sure you gonna do that? :/)

I know, I am always complaining about my school work and how much it bring me down, I know it is my every responsibility to get my things done. AND I KNOW you are getting bored by me. :X

Feel so much like crying.

Why do I have so many things to do?

Why cant't mummy be more forgiving and reasonable enough?

Why am I so pressurized?

Oh no, I am having a headache now...

BUT I have to finish IDEA.

For this week... and then prepare another IDEA by next week so does CRS.

Oh ya, and networking.

3 assignment in 2 weeks time.

2 presentation, and 1 lab work.

High weight-age and 3 unmotivated group members (basically there is only 3 person in my group)

Cool isn't it?

I gotta go...

Hope you enjoy the video of the day - "Welcome to my life"

Featuring Video Of The Day

P.s. No song describe my life better than this.

Time: 12.28 a.m

Date: 20-01-10

Romance

2010-01-18T02:47:00.000-08:00

Title: Romance

Arghs... I am sick today... Feel so sleepy now.

It is a sweet day today! :D

Love is in the air! LOL. xD

Though I am suffering from being sick, he had been such a darling to me!

*grins xD*

By the way, Bohan love the song "Chasing Pavements" so i went to check out the MTV.

It's pretty cool!

Worth watching ;)

It is romantic too. =)

Lyrics can be found under the video =D

Hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did!

Featuring Video Of The Day!

2010-01-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

Title : Dreams

Urrghs...

How I hate to admit that he is always appearing in my dreams!

The he I am referring to is none other than my boyfriend!

He got stung by a bee today...

P.s I hope he will be fine.

Great. My life is always in a mess.

It never failed to make me busy.

Perhaps I am asking too much from myself.

We should know our limits?

Crap.

Re-watched 200 pounds beauty 2 days ago...

Could not helped but feel sad for the girl.

True enough, guys normally go for pretty girls.

And hey! Don't you dare deny it!

IDEA!!! Hope I can finish it soon!!!

*Please I beg you so!*

Gotta get running!!!

Oh ya!

Video Of The Day!

Time : 1.10 a.m!

Date : 18-01-10

2010-01-13T06:52:00.000-08:00

Title : Irresponsible Me

I feel so tired :(
Life... is a tiring journey...

I feel bored...
JAE had started on 11 January 2010.
Was supposed to hand in my "essay" before that day, and I did but just 1 day before it.
Did not dare to check the school website with fear of disappointment, however with 100 percent curiosity, I took a peek on that web and, guess what I saw?!

NOTHING!

I bet I did a bad and lousy job. Mdm Safura must be disappointed by me.
I feel so irresponsible.

Pay a visit to IMH today...
It was indeed a meaningful trip! Hope we will come up with something interesting and innovative to reach out to people there!

I hope I can throw away all my work and not make anyone feel disappointed in me anymore.

I am nothing but a pretender...

Date : 13-01-10

Time : 11.07 p.m

a year ago

2010-01-12T07:27:00.000-08:00

Title : One Year Ago...

Wow! It had been almost one year since I got back my O level results!
It's pretty cool to see people getting real nervous and tense up especially one night before the result is being released!

Anymore words and they will burst into tears :X
Since I was nothing better back then, it is really a pleasant surprise to know how people react, in times like this - getting their results back. =D

No matter how long it had been, I bet it will be hard to forget school, the feeling of it, and how we wish to get out of there and how reluctant we were when we know it time to go!

Therefore I want to delicate this song : Graduation by vitamin C to everyone out there!
Refresh your memory of school, no matter good or bad, it is gone but...
It is never too later to laugh at what you were and enjoy who you are now =D

Video Of the Day...

Date : 12-01-2010

Time : 11 . 45 p.m

Selfish

2010-01-06T18:20:00.000-08:00

Friends are friends only when they need you.

Title: Selfish-ness

Have you ever been told straight to your face that you are selfish?
That they cannot always wipe your ass for you?

I am not trying to push my responsibilies to anyone.
How I wish I am the nicest person in the world!
What is so funny about that wish was that, I worked towards that direction when I was 17.
Time flies, things changes.
People you know become people you knew.

It was only till I was 18 did I realised that you cannot always be the good one and wish that people will treat you good in returns.

To make everyone like you is an idiotic hope!
At the end of the day, you might be like by some (and the worst is not all of them will even though you tried your best) and those who actually like you will only take you as a friend.

I am tired. From being thrown around in secondary school till now - still being throw around.
I really do not know how to actually make friend.

Not like I don't like Joyce, I mean, she has her strength since she has knowledge of almost all of the things we are learning.
I do think she is quite capable.
However, she is too bossy.

In my class, I have no friends.
At least not anymore...
Those who seems to be there, make me chilled.

Perhaps I became selfish.
I am sorry for myself, at the same time, I can do nothing but hope ...
Everything will go right for me at the end.

*I wish upon the star and hope that life is but a dream.*

Complicated

2010-01-05T17:06:00.000-08:00

Title : Complicated

Really admire people who is fluent in their english and those who write amazing essays, stories, etc.
I love to write. Writing was a way to relief my stress when I was in secondary school!
Thought of writing a story book, and there you will see me busy with my writings.
It was kind of cool back then, when all you have to worry about was to focus on your 'O' and no matter what the result might be, you will still be able to have a second chance!
Poly life?
It is all about trying to get a place for yourself in the future.
I am not that young to be given a second chance, not with the very fact that I had spend one more year than most people (came from Normal Academic)

Those days were gone, I missed them so.

Randomly, I drop by people's blog, and particularly, I love to read what Caryl say.
Her profound in english made readers get "hook" while reading it.
I guess I will end here today...
Java lesson might be starting soon!!!
*Hope I will get quite a good result in Java*

Video of the day

Date: 6-01-09

Time: 9.17 a.m

Hurt

2010-01-05T04:00:00.000-08:00

Never thought that we were just some random strangers.

Just when I thought you were there, you were gone.

Featured Video of the Day

Truth Hurts

2010-01-05T00:38:00.000-08:00

Title : Truth Hurts
==============

Reasons to why I dislike updating my blog could be :
1) I was too busy

2) No one is actually interested in the content of this site

3) No idea of what to be fill in here which can draw attention of visitors

However it is really encouraging to know someone is actually here, and say that this blog is kinda interesting!

That really does make my day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had vowed my interest in joining the SPOT when I failed the interview.
I have to admit, my initial thought of joining was overwhelmed by the fact that it nature young talents. Not wanting to be left-out of the "game" I tried various ways to get in to it.
Appealed after appealed, disappointment by disappointment, I accepted the fact that I would just have to wait for the next year when they promised to give me the chance.

It is weird, when all you ever wanted seems just a few meters away and all you want to do is to run away from it rather than getting anyway nearer.
Seen a lot. More than the naive me should see.
So much more that, getting into it seems unimportant.

True that getting inside the program is worth being proud of, but getting too proud does more bad than good.
That really turn me off, in wanting to join it.
I do not think that I am better than me though, given my initial motive to count with, I am equally evil.

All of a sudden, results become my main focus, the urge to win, and the discontent even when I win, really is driving me crazy.
Sure, my results are good.
(You must take into account the amt of hours I'd put in)
Even my I get top in class, I feel bad, real bad.
People will just say I had gotten worse.
Yet if you really add in your hours of effort and my effort, you are way behind me.

Although I am not satisfied with what I had gotten, I really hate it when Bohan say that I am a rubbish when I lose to another guy from my class.

"You are not stupid, just that you are not smart" by BoHan.
Truth always hurt the most.

Date : 5 Jan (Tues)

Time : 5.03 p.m

Managing Life

2010-01-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Life is a mystery, isn't it?

I fill so down today. Was suppose to get back our Java result, somehow, it will only be announce next week.
Cool, I am not looking very forward to it, though I am curious.
Getting back F.E in the next few hours. Let say 2. (It is 2p.m now)
Did I did a good job? Hm... I hope so!

2 more projects going on.
F.E and Java.
Both pair work. Thought I had a deal with a friend to do pair work.
Turns out to be, no? Haha... Was still worried that she will not have anyone to work with.
Stupid me eh?

I have tons and tons of things to do.
To-Do-List does not seems to be working.
How do successful people, manage their life, really, I am curious.

2010 - A year for love and hope or for none?

2010-01-01T23:21:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
This is my first post for this year - 2010!
Getting a bit excited for the journey ahead of me this year, however I am also getting scared and tired of the homework that is suffocating me.
All thanks to no one but me, who spend all my time for nothing but drama - House.
For the records, House is a super nice drama!

What will this year be like?

Will the time past as fast as it was last year?
Or will it be a long year?
What could possibly happen to me and him?
Will my dream last year be fufil?
Or will it remain as it is now?
Will I laugh or will I cry at the end?

Yet all I know for sure is, I will know the answer to the above questions this time, next year.
Life is life, the way it is.

Flying Time

2009-11-19T01:27:00.000-08:00

Time is flying fast and it seems never ending to the things I have in my to-do-list.

2009-06-21T08:59:00.002-07:00

Title : Why?

I remember clearly, the days when i was young, hoping to grow up, to get out of school and work.

My parent was self-empolyed (the reason i uses was is because they are ending their business for 8 years, officially next month.), I got the idea that "when i grow up i can choose the time to and not to work".

So everyday I dreamt of growing up.

I even thought that I was actually an adult just that someone cast a spell on me and BOOM I became a kid.

Those days were real, but why they feel unreal?

Why was I so naive?

As you grow up, you will learn that it is actually better to act dumb.

As if you are stupid, so that you will not realise all sort of scary man-kinds around us.

Those who gets proud for stupid things, those who think they are kings and queens and those who are thinking every mintue how to get attentions and so on.

I hate to think. I am sick of thinking.

Why?

We were rich, now that we are poor, we are pest in others eyes.

Who will really lend us a helping hand? Who will really care?

Family?

Shit the word family.

Anyway... I feel so busy... Yet I am doing nothing but stone there hoping by problems could fly away :X

I shall work hard...

...

I will try to work hard.

So everyone! Try your best too =D

Love.

2009-06-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

I really have no confidence anymore.
Can we really get back to when it was - happy moments?
He is starting to doubt me and himself.
I am really sad about it. Yet what can I do.
I know I am wrong. To have such a bad attitude plus lots of bad habits (always being late).
However will you still believe in I will change?
I do not know if I can let you be happy which we used to be.
I am sorry.. Perhaps, in your life, i am just a trespasser, never should had existed.
You say if you love someone, it does not mean that you will be with him or her forever.
I know you were right. Still I am not as courageous as i thought i could be.
"We should be with someone who can help and make us happy", in another words, I no longer could bring joy to you.
I know... I am not capable as you, neither am I capable in helping you.
I should let you go... Shouldn't I? Please... Just stay there for a moment. When time is up, I will not stop you from leaving me.

Love, Xinyi.

2009-06-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

Tired of Mum nagging... Such a pain!

Kept nagging and nagging saying I am a coward in front of others put speak confidently or talk back confidently to her. :S

A-ha... OK! I am wrong for spending so much money on the phone.

However i had already asked you before to ask the Singtel Company if they offer to change to unlimited SMS. Yet you simply ignored me! Now she is asking me why am didn't I ask instead. Started scolding "why are you so dependent in others?"

She is also dependent on others. LOL!

Now she is still nagging saying i am really go in talking back with her but not others! LAME!!!

How the heck she knows what I am like in front of others?

Lazy to quarrel with her.

Let it go.

2009-06-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Geez...

I have no idea what am i doing here!

I read Caryl's blog, and it was really interesting.

Part of the reason could be her standard of language; I must admit that there are so many people out there who are smarter or better than me in one way or the other.

Foong Ting, Bh, Fk as well as Willy are really smart.

Meng Ci, someone you should not under-estimate is genuinely smart too.

Caryl is strong in her language.

Maple, a smart and confident person, no wonder she is a successful chairperson.

Both Joyce and Edmund have kind soul and are willing to offer help. (hence they are popular among our class)

What am I?

She says that she did not dislike me, though she does find me annoying.

Another "friend" told me that she really dislike me as I love to tell her how "bad life is and how pessimistic I was"

The fact is, she was the one who brought out that part of me.

Perhaps it might be something good? At least I am not as naive as I was.

She taught me the "meaning of life" and not think that life is like a bed of roses.

I used to think i was smart, that was before i met her.

I thought the reason to why i cannot win FT is because I was not hard working enough.

Soon I prove myself wrong.

I would not say i am a hard-worker, as if I say so, it will be unfair to those who really are.

However, at least I was more hardworking than she was.

In the end I did worst than she did.

A-ha... MC, had always think I am not as smart as FT and I would not deny it after all this while.

I am still pessimistic. I cannot figure out the meaning of life.

Ps: If I or did i not mention your name in the "list", I am sorry and that DOES NOT mean you are not smart/confident or anything...

Vacation!!!

Woo-hoo! Finally, you are here!

Had not been enjoying myself for quite sometime.

However this is not a time to enjoy myself either.

I had projects to do, MST to prepare for and my job which have to done by mid June(draft).

Accounting.

Since when did I become an Accountancy?

Well it is fun, how many times in life can you try out different aspect of jobs?!

And I got the chance.

I had tried being a Boss (parents shop), sales promoter, accountant, worked for the MOE, being a tutor (free)...

If you ask me is it fun to be an accountant? I would reply "not really".

Since you will receive lots of files for you to read and key in.

I will be going through the files again... Bye D:

Will There be a chance?

2009-06-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

Sad...
I am totally sad.
I had not been posting anything in my blog since I do not see any necessarily to it.

But...

Today started off bad.

So bad that I woke up with my stomach killing me and wished that I was sent to the hospital.

It was an omen! However I ignored the hint and my iPod that someone I love, gave to me on my birthday was gone.

He must be mad, no... He is, so does he feel disappointed.

Why am i so careless? Why am I such an idiot?!
Why? Why? Why?
Could time be turned back?

Bh told me before that if only human could move faster than the speed of light, and then will there be a chance to turn time back.
If only the iPod was what I bought for myself, then could I not feel so guilty and unhappy!
When i realised I lost it, I ran back to where I last left it to search for it. I was running mad. When I reached there, I was sad but expected, that it was gone.
I went to my last classroom, and the kind staff, showed me to the room where lost and found item are.
It was beside where I left my iPod. Nothing was being returned.
Chances of retrieving it are ZERO.
When i was at the office, I wanted to cry and yell “NO! Are you kidding me?!
Stop lying please!”
Joyce called and asked if I found it and if I were fine.
A-ha! I want to cry! How could I be fine?
Later when I went back to library to meet Joyce, she comforts me and says she loses lot of gift from her boyfriend too. All of them were rather expensive. Yet her boyfriend always got a new one for her. He did not blame her.
Perhaps due to the fact that her boyfriend did not scold her, it gave me the courage to tell him the truth.

I do not expect him to buy a new one for me, I just hope he would not be upset and feel disappointed by me.

At first i thought of lying him.
Thought of buying another iPod to replace the lost one.
However the meaning behind that gift would not be there anymore.

If the iPod was bought by me, i would not feel as sad and bad now.
Not that I do not feel sad and hurt.
At least i can skip the part on me, being guilty.

Dear... I know you will not be reading this, since you have no interest in reading my blog.
I am really sorry for losing it.
I do not want to at all.
I love you.

Night to everyone.

Get Lost!

2009-05-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

Title:Get Lost!
Date:27-5-09
Time:1.20 p.m

Test are all coming up all at one go...
2 Lap Tests and 2 Quizzes are coming up next week.
Like ever, time did not stop for me but without my acknowledge, it just keep "ticking" away.
I feel so bored. It is not because i have no friend in my class, however sometimes they just make me feel like i am isolated.
Or is it me, who wants to be isolated?
Looking through Blogs of my Secondary School friends.
From my best friend to friends, i simply just vanish into thin air.
Maybe i should be best forgotten, or i had not met anyone true to me.
In their special list, i am never there, in their birthday lists, you can find people that are not really close to them, yet you can never find me.
I am a plague?
Or am i contracted with some incurable diseases?

No use of adding me, no use of saying sorry.
Cause i know you people, simply kick me away when you find every possible chances to do so.
Save your explanations or words you like to hit me with.
I might be sad that no one cares, however i would not give a damn if you want to hurt me.

Though things might be stressful this few days, weeks or the coming month, i am so glad that i found my German friend back!
Hurray!
Despite all the troubles i went through, and we missed contact with each other for about a year, i finally found him!
He listens to my troubles... Like a dairy =x
I did turn to others when i have troubles, yet... some just gave me "one word of advice" to stop me from bothering them...
I shall not talk about them anymore!
Have to get back to my presentation slides for tomorrow!
Bye! =D

Broke!!!

2009-05-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

Time : 1.13 a.m
Date : 9 May 09

Gosh...
I am broke!
Totally broke.
No cash no whatever...
Dad refused to give me money since i spend almost $10 everyday.
No blames no hate.
Just that i really do not know what to do!
How i hope that i can survive in this world without any food nor drinks!
OK, without any drink is a bit exaggerate.
Nowadays it is Bh who is always treating me food.
To be serious, i do not like that to happen.
It is not like i am dating him for the sake of money but recently it does seems like it to me.
Being really good to me, he feels sorry to see me starve.
I know perfectly that he feels bad spending his family money.
I feel bad too, be it spending his money or my parents money.
What can i say?
I am just a human but not a robot.
So maybe i could just eat one meal a day?
Take it as i am on a diet!
Cool isn't it?
I will find another solution soon.

Time flies...
Without really realising it, it had been the third week in school.
I joined a CCA of my choice - SP String Ensemble
Choice of the instrument i want to play is Violin.

Ha ha... A dream come true for me?
Since i was young, i fancied all kinds of instrument!
When i was Kinder-garden, i wanted to learn piano!

Yet Mum disagrees with that since we did not owned any piano at home.
I was sad...
I remembered that when i was in Primary 5 or 6, i saw students playing Violin on stage, it was amazing!

Went home and told my Mum how excited i was, how much i liked to join them, however Mum was against the idea of it again.
Reason is i am a flicked minded person.
Of course her doubts in me has a reason.
I wondered... Was i tricked to, or did i volunteered myself to join the Abacus class.
Mum paid over a hundred dollars and half way through, i gave up.

I am really confused now.
How i wish to learn ballet, piano, violin in the past.
Ballet is definitely a regret.
Violin, is almost coming true.
However, yesterday when i saw Bh playing violin, i was hooked.
Not too sure that if hooked is being use correctly...
But... i cannot really describe that feeling, i felt that he was amazing.
I am not suitable to play any instruments.

Yes... I do look down on myself.
I am afraid that i am too stupid so i always try to escape.
I feel the fear in me. It is telling me
"Never to try anything, unless you think you can do it".
I guess i will end here today.
Gotta get some sleep.
Night.

Suddenly feel that i am like the guy who needs "handsome suit". =S

LOL

2009-05-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

Time: 1150 a.m
Date: 7-5-09

Title...

Today started off bad.
Had a nightmare...
Dreamt that Bh wanted to breakup with me... :s
Was seriously so sad that i woke up because of it...
I can still feel how shock i was and how sad i became after hearing what he had told me.
In that dream, he was sad too.
After this nightmare, i went back to sleep, hope to know if we did patched up...
(LAME!)
Perhaps i should not had chose to go back to my dreamland but to stay awake...
If i had chose to be awake, i am sure i would not be late today.
I wonder why i am always came late on Thursday...
Yesterday i even reach school One hour earlier...
7.20a.m i reached Dover when my lesson will start only at 830a.m.

Today i was totally freaked out when i wake up at 715!
Lesson is starting at 8a.m!
I rushed my way to the MRT Station and i boarded a train.
I was surprise that i got in the wrong train!
This reminds me of this particular Sunday.
I went to Red Hill and meet Bh.
We went to the library to study and it was as strict as the SP.
Later when i was on my way home in the train, i fell asleep.
I woke up at Chinese Garden.
I took the train back to Jurong East.
I fell asleep again and woke up at Clementi.
I took the train to Jurong East again.
Finally i got to Jurong East.
I took the train to Woodlands.
Fell asleep AGAIN and i ended up at Sembawang!
Take another train...
Sigh... Luckily i got to my destination after that.

Well... I shall stop complaining.
Last but not least, thank you Ram!
Ha ha...

2009-05-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

Date : 2 May 2009.
Time : 10.20 p.m

What a tiring day.
Went to Gym with Willy, Fuk Kin, Jui Hao and Bh.

Yesterday i was really upset.
Thanks for everyone's concern =D
Talking about yesterday...
I broke a bottle of beer in the supermarket!
Luckily Bh n i were not hurt.
He was really sweet, he picked out all the broken glass inside my shoe and make sure that it is safe for me to wear...
Though i ended up spending $3.50 more, i was quite happy to see his care for me.

Suddenly i had this weird and sad feeling, growing inside me.
I know i must enjoy myself now to be able to enjoy the future.
I know i have to treasure each and everything i have.
Yet knowing and doing is a complete different thing.
I tend to worry about future a lot.
What happen if this happen?
What to do and how can i avoid myself from getting into that situation?
How can i not hurt myself?
In the end, i chose to be overly protective towards myself.
However the more i learn to love, the more i get closer to being hurt.
I am afraid that he will get bored with me vice-verse too, afraid he will leave me soon.
Yet i cannot stop myself from missing him.

Lame...
Anyway, i might be dying soon, if not now, it might be 3 years later.
The destruction cause by the Sun.
If not by swine flu.
Living each day as if there is no tomorrow?
That is my goal from now.
Living each day to its' fullest.
Love you guys.

2009-04-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Date : 30-04-09
Time : 10.40

BORED!!!
LOL...
Here i am updating my blog.(?)
Sigh...
How i wish i can have more stress, though i hate them too.
Actually i cannot really understand what i want.
I want to do some work and not just stone there while others are so pack with their work. (referring to Bh, Willy)
At the same time i want to rest and be a bit like now, slacking.
My class is really a class for slackers.
I do not really like too much of slacking since i do not wish to change too much to "another person".
Yet i enjoy the times i spend with my classmates as well.
Perhaps not that much of being late together.
Pardon me for being selfish. =x

Speaking of late!!!
I am late today!
I was so afraid of being late especially today...
This scary lecture said we will not be allowed to enter the class if we came in later than 815.
I went in after that. Luckily she was not that mean today.

What else more can i share?
Talked online in class in Our Nation Our World.
Went to ICA during my break lol.
Boring...
Well i just installed Left 4 dead.
Yet i do not know how to play =P
*lousy*
Hope i will not get too addicted to games :X

Anyway i find that the things i am studying are quite cool sometimes yet it can really get boring when teacher kept saying "alien language" to us.(maybe just me)
Like ASCII etc...
Cannot really get why we need to do parity checking.

Lastly...
1000010 1011001 1000101 =D
Hope you can understand me =)

I am Down

2009-04-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

Time: 2:57
Date: 29-4-09

I am currently in the squash court.
Went for a few games earlier on but now i am "resting".
Really feel kinda down...
Be it going to school or facing the future ahead.
I am lazy in everything.
Not really that 'lazy'...
However it is like the feeling of "I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT" as i dislike it.
So i cannot really blame it on laziness, can i?
Lessons, lessons, lessons!!!
*interrupted*
A crazy auntie kept going in and out of the squash court asking "did you book the court?"
Later she keot "dropping by" and 'remind us' that "you must leave at 230p.m"
Despite the fact of it that we had already agreed to it.
Moreover i was using the laptop inside and she just came in and say "do not play laptop here!"
Blah blah blah.
Stupid!
I am in such a damn mood now and she just kept talking non-stop!
Shut up will you?!
Stupid!
Not as if like you said that "everyone will really bring their laptop inside to play".
Not even a single plug is inside!

Now i am outside the squash court.
Talking to bh♥
Now i am feeling better =D
Anyway majority of the girls are selfish.
Sadly, i am a girl and hence no matter how i wish i am not, i will still be.

Life in school is fun. Not a little bit of stress yet.
No projects no nothing.
Perhaps just a little bit of reading to be able to catch up with the lectures.

Life is bored without you by my side.
Sayonara.

My New Class!

2009-04-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

This is my classmates!
This picture is taken by the student leaders in SP when we finished drawing out our poster!
I cannot believe that i can get to know so many friends so fast!!!
I was a quiet girl and people hardly even realise my presence!
Now?!
I talk quite alot and most are so friendly =D
I know Caryl and Ram on the first day of school.
Later alot of people know my name =X
As my senoir told them...
Due to the camp, i get to know a lot of people!
It was a fun camp.
The night secenry there is so beautiful.
From far away, you can view Singapore growing like tiny stars!

Anyway, the seniors were really good to us!
The food there is like food you get in paradise if you compare it with other camps!
Well i will stop here...
I am so hungry =x
Bye...

8 April 2009

2009-04-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

Date : 8 April 2009
Time : 10.05 p.m

Wow!!!
I did not know that anyone would actually find what i had wrote enjoyable!
Quite happy and thank you once again for taking your time to read them.

Sigh...
Tomorrow i will be going for a 4 days 3 nights camp!
Feel quite excited however the thought of it also kind of makes me bored!
By right, i should be almost prepared and relax myself for the tough days ahead.
Yet i went to the swimming pool and played =.=
With Willy and Bh.
Well really enjoyed myself!
Yet i have not prepared anything yet!
Maybe yes, a piece of paper stating : Things to bring.
=.=
Lame huh?
Nevermind will finish packin later...

Living each days with mixed feelings.
I am happy that i am going to start school soon yet i am unhappy of it too.
Read an article about people with some mental issues.
Cannot help but suspect am i counted in as well.
There is a guy who got this mental illness.
Which you will suffer a sudden happiness and a sudden bad mood.
I feel that sometimes i can really feel unwanted and sad about each and everything in the world :S
Facing a new life ahead.
New friends, new school, new teachers and new world.
A "world" i had never explored.
With a freedom so wide that some people who are not use to it may not be able to control themselves.
A "world" i dreamed to be, a place i fear to live.
This is rather weird.
I think i am a grown up.
Yet sometimes i enjoyed people giving me stress and nagging.
One thing that is always the same and never change is people always longed to be love.

Guess i will end here today.

Anyway, i will be getting my new laptop soon!!!
T 400 Lenovo!
Ureshii neh!
Sayonara.

7-4-09

2009-04-08T06:19:00.000-07:00

7 April 2009

Feeling really down.
Had a quarrelled with Bh since yesterday because i was late and now he is still mad at me...

Words i want to tell him but also words i do not dare to say...

Really want to talk to you.
However every word i say seems to be useless...
Having said a dozen times of sorry, i hate to make another empty promise.
Maybe...
Like your friend had said, "I'm not the type of girl you will like."
To be frank, i really do not have any confident in myself.
For fear you will say goodbye, still i cannot control my temper.
No doubt that we are true...
No doubt that i really love you.
Ha Ha...
Still...
Fears do not just go away with words nor ambiguous promises but to grow with time.
Please...
Do not say you wanna leave me.
Do not say you hate me to talk to me.
Promise you will be there and always true.
And shall i promise you with all my heart that i will love you as long as forever really exist.

19-2-09 9.27p.m

2009-02-19T05:27:00.000-08:00

Date: 19-2-09
Time: 9.27 p.m

Is there a clear definition for happiness?
Giving an irresponsible statement, will only lead to unwanted expectation.

Recently i am really tired of thinking.
I hate to face reality, i hate to think.
I have to confess that i am kind of ambitious...
However, all i know is to dream.
Nothing has a clear cut answer.
Nothing can be determine in black and white.
Anyway it is easier said than be done.

Well stop these crap...
Anyway today i went to Plaza Singapura at 12 to meet Bh and Fk...
We went there to have Seoul Garden buffet...
However i was shock to realise that not even the name "Seoul Garden" was listed on the directionary(?) board.
So i was fooled by the STUPID internet information!!!
We then walked to orchard...
Headed towards a whatsoever building =x
(Actually, i had forgotten its' name)
Sigh... I think i really had a great appetite as i ate so much =.=
Sigh again!!! i just ate my dinner my dad cooked.
I am going to become a pig!!!

Later we three went to "BEST" and play game =.=
We played Wii and we stay there for almost an hour plus!!
After that Fuk Kin went home first as he is going to take bus while Bh and i were going to take MRT.
We went to buy drinks at cold storage before going home.
We found a place to sit and started chatting until we finished our drink.
Who know that we saw Ft and Gavin!

Anyway it is a fun day.=D

16-2-09

2009-02-16T00:46:00.000-08:00

Feel really boring... Tired of talking and waiting for an answer but it never come.
Quite stupid huh?
When you know noone cares and still wish that someone will.
Want to spend my time on meaningful stuff yet sad to realise that i am not capable of finding anything meaningful.
Someone like me, useless, have to be matched with something useless too huh...
Sigh... Thanks for reading =D

For

2009-02-02T01:24:00.000-08:00

Quite boring today...
Went online today and chat with Foong Ting...
Wanted to chat with him yet he is too engrossed in the shows...
Never mind... I am used to it...

By the way...
Valentine is coming!
Though i doubt the chances of me celebrating it is high :(
I hereby still wish everyone an advance Happy Valentine day ;)
To lovers, who live each day as if it were Valentine's day...
To people who just got out of love, a day to envy and treasure your lovers that is coming your way in the future...
To loners, another day for you to stay alone and wait for love to knock on your door!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY =D (Advance...)

Kinda like this one...

*("a broken heart is like a broken mirror.
It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it")

So sweet!

*(When i tell you i love you.
I don't say it out of habit
or to make conversation.
I say it out to remind you that
you're the best thing that ever happened to me. <3)>How sad...

I feel so most of the times =x

Up to you to say =)

Last but not least!!!
Give you all a big hug!!!

Ending with something not related to love...

PARTY!!! 1-2-08 8.04 p.m

2009-02-01T03:53:00.000-08:00

Haha! My dad threw a party for the Chinese New Year!
Em...haha anyway party is the most important thing not for whatever reasons =x
Well lots of his friend came and some are not here yet...
I invited Willy, Fuk Kin and Bohan here =)
Did not invite Foong Ting as i am afraid she will not be able to make it since it is a BBQ party(?).
LOL!!!
Nothing to play with them so feel quite bored... I mean they feel bored ba... =.=
Hehe...
Sigh.. Last time my dad friend said that i am fat and short!!! mad at him!!!
Today he said i grow up and become prettier -.-
Haha...
So idiot...

Anyway got posted to my first choice =)
Hehe though it was expected la... Since the cut of point for that course is 20...
Posted to information communication technology in SP...
Willy, Fuk Kin and Bohan got posted to their first choice too...
It is an of course situation la....
They scored so well!!!
Willy was beside me and say i 自恋...
As i say it is an expected thing that i can get into my first choice =x

Okay gotta go la...
Bye...
Everyone do have fun o!!!

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-26T01:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!!!

Hehe... So boring...
Looking at the computer and was thinking which website should i surf =.=

I just recover from my sickness ^^
Ha ha... Felt so bad that day when i was sick!
I was at work and secretly wish someone will come to comfort me...
It was just a wish so most likely nothing will happen.
Well that was what happened too.
LOL!

Wow!!! Lately my house become a mosquito breeding place...
Though we tried so hard, my all means to stop it, with no avail!
Sigh...
My legs are so pathetic!
All is mosquito bites!
Now even my tummy also have! :(

Today is such a fun day!
Ha ha... It was rather peaceful.
When i am sad i love to be alone.
Or to say sometimes i just love to stay in a quiet place.
So i do understand what you meant by enjoying the quietness of the place. :)

I am going to work tomorrow...
So i better be going now.
Love you all. =x
Ha ha =.=
See ya soon ^^

By the way...

Thanks for reading my journal >.<

20-1-09

2009-01-20T07:25:00.000-08:00

Hiie!! Welcome to my world! :)
Ha ha... Nowadays i rarely update my blog since i am so busy working and sleeping!!!
LOL!!
Anyway i have had gotten back my "O" level results ;)
I consider my result as not bad :D
Perhaps to others it is already very good...
Sigh... it had already past so i shouldn't talk about it...
By the way the course i chose was ... (??)
Em... I had forgotten it's name?!
Gosh...
Never mind that...
I chose SP courses...
Only one from Nyee (?) Ann...

Lately so much things had happened...
I came to realise a lot of things such as things or thoughts that i was once so obsession of is so useless and nevertheless, meaningless...
Thinking of them only causes more sufferings to me.
Ha ha...
Anyway,Mum share with me that girls like boys as they secretly hope that boys will changed for them...
Yet girls are too naive...
As in the end guys won't change but girls will...
So...
The conclusion i got from this was that girls will change for the sake of love but guys will never change...
Ha ha... what a joke...
LOL...
Anyway, thanks for reading my blog. :D

Welcome!

2008-12-27T22:36:00.000-08:00

Yippee!!!Fun!!!
Wahahaha!

It is really fun and nice to have such a long break after being tied down at work for quite sometime!
However after tomorrow, i will be pushed back into "hell".
OK...
Sorry for complaining.
This is all because i am really happy ^^
Sigh... I bet i didn't mentioned i am STILL sick!
Anyway nothing can be compare to the moment when you receive your hard earn salary!!
YES! ( I'm not a yes man ;) ) =D
lol
I am getting my salary this few days!
I think there will be about 200 plus...
=)

Sorry everyone.
I did not wish anyone Merry Christmas.
SO BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS!
LOL.
Better to wish Happy New Year, huh?
Hehehe ^^

Though i was enjoying my off days, i went out everyday...
Feel so guilty for always taking money from my daddy.. :(
Sorry daddy...

I noticed that some unknown people have been coming to my blog and "chat".
Such as BLacKanGeL and hajar...
Welcome to my blog...
Thanks for coming and leaving your "footprints" here.
Do self-introduce yourself to me.^^

bye ^^

Hello ^^

2008-12-22T07:54:00.000-08:00

Hi! Wow finally i can get some rest!
Actually not, i am quite lazy to work...
However i am sick so i cancelled all my work ^^
Feel so great!
Aha...
Yet after 29 December i cannot cancel any job that easily anymore. =(
Since i am working for another brand Joan Sport (or Joan Spot?).
Anything...
I am going to change brand as i thought the brand (Urban Inc) i am working for is going to move out of Robinson soon.
To be frank, this was only a small part of the whole reason.
Firstly, the salary of the new job is higher.
Secondly, the time is at least 8 hours per day (6 days per week).
Though i can't say i do not want to work at whatever day anymore, i can at least earn $38.50 per day unlike the job now, sometimes only $20...
Thirdly, the people who get me this job had been trying very hard for me.
Even if not i will still continue to think so. ;)

Ha ha.
I watched Yes Man today!
So funny^^
Do watch it if you have the time!
Ya! Ip man is also a very nice movie. :)
Totally different from what i had expected!
Ha ha.
I had planned to watched twilight since the summary and the poster attracted me...
Sad to hear that twilight isn't that great as it seems to be...
However my friends at work told me that the story book is fantastic!
She told me the story and i got really hooked into it!
Wow!
I want to buy the story book!!!
However i am too poor for it. (about $100 plus)
Sad... :'(
Never mind that...

I will end here today

love xinyi
bye. ;)
sleepy.. -.-'"

work...

2008-12-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

Tired...
Tired of working and smiling at those colleagues that simply showing me their "nice" black face!
Well i admit, personally i think most of the cashier there are consider as pretty.
I wonder why they dislike me even when i just started working not long ago.
Is it that my forehead show "please everyone i am a bitch" or something like that?
Perhaps someone bad mouthed me?
Well quite possible...

Anyway it is so tiring!
Today work till 12a.m
However i sneaked away at 113o p.m...
My supervisor told me to take Taxi when i reached Kranji and claim it from her later...
However i asked my dad to fetch me ^^
So they save some money!
Wow...
I am sure tomorrow is going to be much more tiring...
Since i am working from 10 a.m to 11 p.m (13 hours)... :(
Today i start work at 6 p.m. (5 hours)

Going to sleep soon...
As i have to wake up at 730 a.m tomorrow...
May god bless me that time will past by really fast tomorrow!

Now i am considering of taking up the job my uncle is offering me...
Selling uniform in Junior College...
Since the job is much more flexible...
The pay is the same as the job i am taking up now - $5 per hour.
However my uncle will drive me home everyday after work.
Moreover, he said that i can do anything when there is no customer...
Food might be provided, even if not, i can have food in the canteen which is much more cheaper than orchard food!!!
I have to work from 9 a.m to 3 p.m...
Monday to Friday.
Isn't it much more better than this?
Sometimes i only got 4 hours to work!!
Which is like, i earn only $20.
Minus food, minus transport, what is left?
Almost less than $10 :(
Crazy huh?

Sigh...
It is always better to have a job than none, i think.
Also to me, money is what i want in the end of the day even if it means tiring. :)

Love xin yi.
Bye...

New Post

2008-11-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hi!
Wow!
You cannot believe it!
I am so bored because i do not have to study anymore!
Sigh...
Nowadays is simply bored.
I was watching lots of drama lately...
Kind of crazy i think...
Let me re-called...
Oops! I watched 3 dramas!
One of it have 39 episodes =.=

I heard that prom night was fun.
Yet i didn't went so i do not know...
Bet it must be really enjoyable to some. ^^
However i can guarantee if i were to attend it, i would be sitting there like a fool - at least i think i would.

Yesterday my friend advice me to update my blog.
Well... I wish i could yet...
It's either the computer was not available for me or i do not have the mood to.
I am so bored!
As i am stuck at home!
Mum just do not allow me to go out everyday, to her it is best if i stayed at home everyday huh?
My sister is going to her camp on Monday...
Cool...
Her school subsidise most of the cost since she is the student leader of her dance club.
Wow...
She is only 15 years old. Me? 17...
No position.
Well i have yet it is just there for fun.

Utterly sad on my Birthday.
Never in my life did i cried so much on my birthday.
Not even on the year i killed my pet tortoise accidentally and my mum whacked me!
However i felt better on 11 November
Received a few more present than last year!
Happy =D

Today i went to play pool with Bh n Ft.
It was fun.
Time flies!!!
Without realising, it was already 2 p.m then!
Then i went to the library.
Till about 5 plus...

Looking forward to next week.
THOUGH I DO NOT WISH TIME TO PAST TOO FAST!
I AM NOT CONFIDENT ENOUGH FOR MY O RESULTS...
Sigh.
I will end here today ^^

Good Morning!

2008-10-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

Let me see the time...
It is now 6.42 in the morning!
Birds are chipping, sun is blazing...
Cut all this please...
OK.

Do not misunderstand me!
I am not skipping school on this nice Friday!
I am just going to be late for school =)
Much better huh?
Better then those who automatically skip school "forever" type.
Nope.
I am not insulting you nor am i being sarcastic...
Please friends, be it we know each other or not, just try to work hard.
Especially those i care for.
I cannot do anything but pray for you all and, of course, myself.

Bye...
Going to school soon...
time :6.48 now

Graduation Day -- tmw

2008-09-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

Mu mum is now busy entertaining my daddy's friends.
Hence i am able to post something new. :)

All of the results are back by now.
I did fairly.
However my friend said i made improvements.
Of course.
I did study though i was not really very hardworking, hence my results were not as ideal as i wish it could be.
Anyway i failed my English 47.5.

Tomorrow is our graduation day.
I would like to express my feelings to all my classmates, though i know, it would not reach them.
I really do like Team 5B.
The majority gender of our class is boys.
Hence our class is so lively! Unlike 5A.
I will not deny the fact that i feel like a no body in this class.
Yet i have to admit i like to be a silent audience.
At least i do clap and cheer if there is a need.
Lol.
I will stop here for today.
Bye ^^

What should i say/ feel?

2008-09-24T06:05:00.001-07:00

Hi...
It had been such a long time since i last updated my blog.
I realise time is really very precious indeed.

I had been so busy with my studies that i am going crazy soon.
My results are not really very good anyway.

Life is short isn't it?
I might be writing my blog now, updating every single bit of my life.
However the chances of me to just die the next minute is very high.
Sally's father died 2 days ago.
I was only aware of it today.
I feel so bad.
I was not there for her when i should.
Friends are meant to be there for you, when you are in need.

Sorry...
I wish i could have contacted you earlier.

I have to go now.
Bye.
May everyone use their time as wisely as possible.

Tears?

2008-08-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

Close your eyes and feel the breeze.

Sing to yourself as the wind blows gently.

Let the quiet night calm your soul.

Do not let out a sigh, do not let out your emotions.

When tears welled up, looked into the sky.

Try your best, try it hard, prevent any tear from falling down.

As... As a single tear drop, will reveal all your weakness and drown you with the secrets you had hide - be it from you or others.

Sorry

2008-08-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

A big sorry to my dearest friend Ft!
There are a lots of things you never know.
Or things i never ever dare to say with a lot of fears.
I never thought you would come here!
Though it is never an excuse to it.
Sometimes i am really tired the other times how i wish you are there for me.
What is your feeling after reading or the things i have kept?
There are more of such.
To everyone, to anyone, i kept my mouth to.
I do not wish to hurt people.
Especially people i really like.
Though sometimes i will let out a bit.
This is a letter to you.
Since people who visit my blog isn't people i know other than you and him i think this is an OK idea?

Really i like to assume things.
People say i should just speak my mind out and tell you how i felt.
Yet what if you think i am very troublesome and do not want to be my friend?
Maybe this is a "当局者迷"type of things.

Take the party for instance, if you never read, i never ask, i will take it as i ruined your day.
Bh said he thinks you will not be happy if i did not attend; maybe others will.
I think otherwise.
Wendell said i should confirm with you, let you know about what i feel.
I think i should not.

I am glad that you said you are feeling fine now!
Really i do.
I feel so bad knowing you read my blog.
Perhaps because i wanted to write really personal feelings so i chose not to let others know my blog.
Yet i am happy.
Happy and thankful you read my blog!
I read your blog often too!

Though sometimes when i am alone, i feel like no one is my friend.
However to be really frank, when you are there i feel so nice.
I mean at least i speak all my thoughts out? Even things i planned not to say.
Lol.
OK. We went out topic rather often too.
However the reasons is you know a lot about me.

Lastly.
I am still very sorry about hurting you.
SORRY!
Meet you tomorrow then!

i want to let you know i do laugh from the bottom of my heart

so true... i believe there are things you hide from me too ^^

Life is all about this...

I do know now...

Bye...

Time : 11.25 p.m
Date : 29-8-08

Another go?

2008-08-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah...
My friend said that my blog post is so so boring! (sad)
It is because i told him everything.
So maybe i will just say things he does not know now?
OK.
That is my plan now.

Yesterday before going to the badminton game, the few of us (Willy, Fuk Kin, Bohan, Foong Ting and I went to queenstown)
I talked to Ft.
She said she feels that i am hiding myself to everyone.
Though i do not think so, i accepted to her comment.
Perhaps i am.

Life.
Sigh..
Life is a food.
Th ingredient to this food is happiness, sadness etc...
For me i think i had added in too much of bitter gourd...
So i am always feeling sad?
Really.
I do not know who my friends are anymore.
Certainly, i really wants to believe Ft is my best friend but sometimes i have to doubt it.
She will ignore me whenever she is with her friends.
Just like what Meng Ci did.
I asked Meng Ci why she will ignore me when she is with her sec 4 friends before.
She replied "I have no choice. If i don't ignore them, in sec 4D I'll be lonely since Jie Min is the only girl, other than me in the class"
Now i would not ask the same question to anyone, anymore.
As i know, all i will get is lies and moreover, i fear they will only be acting to be good to me.
I rather, life will remains the same as it is.
Though i might be hurt more, i might be furthermore ignored to show how unwelcome i might be, than knowing the truth - how unimportant i really is to them.

bye.

Not again?!

2008-08-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

God...
I am sick...
I hate it!
I even claimed, in front of my friends that i am the healthiest among them all!
Yet i ended up ... sick!
Stupid!
My throat is hurting me...

On 27-8-08, it was raining after we had our English paper.
We had had not enough umbrella to use hence we waited for quite sometime and managed to borrow an umbrella.
However Zy did not brought along an umbrella that day hence Ft lend her umbrella to him.
I agreed to it.
Therefore Ft and i went into the rain without any umbrella.
I claimed that i am the healthiest!
Yet the next day, which is yesterday, i was sick, with fever.

We had practical test yesterday.
I think i did fairly OK.
Though with a lot of mistakes here and there but i was not very sad.
Maybe because i know how to do?

Was talking to my friend about Meng Ci issues.
OK. To begin with, i do not think i trust her.
I knew it from last year that she is not worth my trust.
She always came telling me about what Ft had said about me.
So i know, she cannot be trusted and i was the one who stopped her from harming the friendship of Ft and mine too.
I revealed her!
Ha ha...
Anyway or so, i told Sally from last year that i think Meng Ci is trying to make Ft and i worst.
Also i know that she was only making use of me.
Though i knew it i fell into her plan for the sake of me.
I was weak in my Chemistry then, i was slacking on my Principle Of Account too...
So i decided that i should make use of her to motivate myself...
OK.
I might be deem as an idiot now...
Sorry for that!

Today is teachers' day celebration!
I wonder how was the show...
Is it fun?
How i wish to be able to go to school...
My mum asked me not to go as she said that i look pale...
She is afraid that i might faint half-way...
Which is ridiculous to me.
However she never was afraid that i might be sick till the point of fainting...
So this is the first time.
Moreover i was late, so i chose not to go to school.
I went for a badminton game yesterday...
My mum said that i was crazy...
Sad...
Ha ha but i do not think my condition worsen because of it ^^

Prelims are here!
What are my thoughts?
Em...Gosh! time really flies...
I wonder 10 years down the road who will we become?
I am quite scared of the future since i know nothing about it.
However, i guess, all i can do is to work hard for now and when i meet my friends next time, i can proudly, standing in front of them and say "How are you?".
I think i will end here today ^^

I am lazy to put in any pictures to day...
Bye ^^

Sad / Happy(?)

2008-08-26T03:45:00.000-07:00

Thanks for reading my blog.
It is such a wonder why i am so blind to trust someone who do not even care about me at all.
Not so much of trusting her, but putting my heart into teaching her.
OK, let me explained what had happened.
On 23-8-08, it was Meng Ci birthday.
She celebrated it, having a party.
I was not invited, however she invited Foong Ting and Zheng Yee.
(She is closer to me than Zheng Yee)
Great!
What a fool i was to teach her whole heartily.
She did quite well in principle of accounts when i teach her (almost full marks).
Though she said she learnt it herself in front of others; and because i taught her in front of me.
She passed her chemistry.
Though not with flying colours.
I would not say that i deserved all the credits but i was utterly upset by this.
My mum says you just have to learn from your experience.
I told her i was too stupid to learn, she said even if you are stupid, you can still learn to be good...
Sigh... In another words; she thinks i am stupid.

However life is not that bad after all.
This morning, i was upset by the fact that i have no target in life.
I told my friend about it and my junior, Dennis, president of AVA, says that he give me a target.
He says that if i scored 4 A1 in O levels, he will treat me!
Well although it is impossible, i am still touched!
I asked what would he treat me then?
He said not too expensive, around $30?
Gosh!
To me it is so expensive!!!
Thanks man, you rock!
Anyway, my other friend, Bohan said that he would treat me if he scores 11 and below.
I said never mind.(I do think it is possible for that to happen.)
Yet he insisted.
However i hope he can forget about it. ^^

I have to go now...
I promised my little brother, to let him use the computer at 7 p.m.
It is time now...
I have to go.
I think i had wrote quite long...
My friend, do you think it is long enough?
Bye ^^
Sorry that i did not put in any picture.

Time : 7.08p.m
Date : 26-8-08

First and only time...

2008-08-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

OK do not be wandering too much about the title...
I just mean that this might be the first and only time that i will be putting my picture here.
Actually, i do not like the idea of showing others my picture perhaps i think i do not look nice?
Who knows?

Yesterday, i had a conversation with my sister.
I made her cried =x
Sorry...
She seems to strong in the outside but weak in the inside.
Of course i knew it, just that i had never ever mentioned it.

Yippee!!!
Today we moved to an air conditioned classroom!
Ya!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARMEL!
Though you would never ever read this.(I am rather sure of it!)

Sigh...
Lots of things had happened lately or to be really frank this year.
I do not now what had gone wrong.
My life just ended up in a huge tangle mess.
Rumors are spreading, people are joking.
Things changed, or to say humans changes.

Stop it!!!
OK... I would not nag that much as i have had enough serious talk
My best friend say i give her a mysterious feeling.

She does not know what i am thinking about, she said sometimes i am like a stranger to her.

I guess the explanation is that she do not understand me?

Another friend of mine says he do not think i act like stranger to her but the other way round when she is with her other friends...

He also said that it is hard for people to guess what i am thinking as i am always hiding it...

Well my paternal mothers' birthday, was a rather boring one.
First thing first, i hated this kind of event.
I find it a waste of my time.
Secondly, i dislike her.
However when i saw how weak she becomes, i feel sorry.

Took this picture in the toilet...so ugly =(...
But never mind. Only for this once. ^^

Hence everyone!!!
Please stay healthy!!!
Bye...

Wow...Like what my friend always says...

Please choose to treasure^^

Let's ...

Thinking zones...

Date : 25-8-08

Time : 1033

Edited : thanks to Wendell

Please listen to this song!

Recommended by Wendell ^^

D.Gray-man Musician Piano Solo

(you have to press play yourself.)

2008-08-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

Trouble...
I am so envy of children!
However i understand perfectly about what they are thinking at the moment - being an adult is so cool.
Sigh...
Anyway, no use feeling jealous about that, since time cannot be rewind.

Nowadays i am still in partially studying mode.
Which means i am still fooling around when it is time to get serious.

Is there anything worth mentioning about happened today?
Nope.
Except that i am always in terrible mood nowadays.
Hate it.
I get agitated really easily.
Em.. ya also, i just found out today, i sleep with eyes open...
It is scary right?

If only my junior were to get a chance to read this would it then be useful...
Anyway, he is such a sweetheart!
I used to feel that he is someone mean.
However when i get to know him more, he is really someone nice.
Though he really likes to complain, he will help you even if you had been bad to him.

Well i have to go now since someone is just sitting beside and eyeing every of my movement - my mum.
Heck care.
I was scolded just because i told her that i sleep with eyes open.
She said many people are like this.
However the real reason of her being mad is she wants to use the computer.
Lols.
So what the hell is this?
Say i am doing things for reasons so does her!
Thank god she is gone now.
Dislike her!

Bye everyone!
^^
I will post a new entry as soon as possible^^

Date : 21-08-2008
Time : 9.09 p.m

20-08-08

2008-08-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

Hi minna-san.

Time limit -- 30 minutes.
My mum let me use the computer till 11 p.m.
Today was my big day.
I went for my English oral with little confidence, ended up quite badly since i lost my fluency in the passage speaking.
It was obvious that i got much more nervous when it cames to picture description.

Yet things got better in my conversation area.
Hopefully i could get a slightly better marks than pass.
Before i forget, hey there my friend, you got it right!
I was writing my journal just now.^^

I was so upset and angry yesterday that i even was not-in-the-mood for party.
I even miss eating the delicious looking cake!
No appetite.
Firstly, i got upset by my Math test.
I did only 1/10 marks question just because i cannot prove...
Wasted.

Later Bh almost fight with Zy. (After school)

He threw tables and chairs.
I was shocked and angry.
Not that i was worried about Bh.
Is that i am worry about others too.
What if he hit Willy by accident?
Or Fuk Kin?
Did he even think?
He was angry for just a minor, tiny little quarrel.
Moreover yesterday was Zy's birthday!
Please...
Grow up!

Done writing ^^
Bye.

Time : 2246 hour.
Edited till : 2303 =(

Please...

2008-08-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

Date : 17-8-08
Time Started Writing : 2.14 a.m (valentine date?)
Time End : 3.45 a.m

*Please look at the images too they are really nice!!!

WeLcOmE tO mY bLoG!!!

How are you today?!
Hopefully you are going to be really happy and crazy today!
Well today is a nothing-special-day..
However i just would really enjoy it, to know that people are happy!

Smile is what i like to put on my face!
When i am sad, i can hide my tears.
When i am happy, it will just be there naturally.

Laughing is what i enjoy to do most of the time.
When i am sad/pain/fear, i will hide them by laughing so hard that tears welled up in my eyes.
(Like last year when i got this injection because of Ms Tan TB, i laughed so hard that tears rolled down)
When i am happy/excited/crazy =.= , i would just laugh and from the bottom of my heart i feel so happy and nice!

I had a talk with my friend Wendell. (For the first time your name appear here...)
Ha ha. In msn, we were talking about a lot of things..
He knows quite a lot about me because we often sms and he reads my blog.

(I tell him things that i would not say to my parents but i also did tell other friends too. Some no, of course.)
Yeah.. My friend, you do understand me a bit more than others.
I really wondered when did we become good friends? (You are one of my best friend!)
(I even tell you who i like =.=)
Yet thank you!
Thank you very much for being my friend!

This One Suits Him...

Anyway, we talked about trust issues not long ago (half-an-hour earlier).

Really. From what i had seen, heard and know of, people cannot be trusted.

However what ever i know or think, i would not follow them.

As towards relationships, be it friendship or BGR, i trust nothing but my feelings.

At the very least this is what i believe in for now.

I had a small conversation with Mum just now (16-8-08.9++ p.m )
I told her i do not think i can get "A1" for Chinese.
She just listened.
I asked "why don't you say anything?"
She replied "what can i say when you have no confidence in yourself?"
I do not even know what i wanted her to say...
Maybe i wished that she could give me some encouragement.

*SmiLe =)

2008-08-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Like the last post, i do not really know what to write.
I am getting a bit sick and tired of hiding all my emotions in my heart.
However at the same time i get more use to it and sometimes i just did that without myself knowing.

Me...

Who can i really trust?
No one.
This is the answer you will get if i let out my true self.
Sometimes people just make you think and know how small you really are.
Because of imperfection, we have emotions.
Whenever i look into the mirror, i saw the same eyes looking straight into mine.
I looked into hers', but i had no clues at all of what she is thinking.

Remember about my "O" level Chinese result?
"B4."
Previously, i had gotten back my Math and Principle Of Accounts as well.
Both a "B3".
To a lot of people who had not sat for the "O" levels, think that my result are already good enough.
However to those people who sat for "O" levels, they know it is a rather difficult and sad situation.

I remembered that particular day clearly.
Everyone who sat for the exam were waiting anxiously for their 'fate' to be announced.
I seat among them. Soon i was being called upon to receive my grades.
Miss Lim and Miss Tay gave me my result without saying any words.
I took it over and sadly, 2 "B3" is what was printed on it.
Due to curiosity people came to ask for my result.
I fought hard to plaster a smile on my face.. They gave the "oh i see" face and went on to ask others.
I was sad by the truth no one cares.

Unlike me, Ft got 2 "A1"..
Many people went over to congratulate her. I was left at a corner, looking at them laugh.
I was out of the picture. Then Ft was being asked to meet the Vice Principal.
I waited for her outside the General Office. Thinking about what i can do to keep my smile, stopping it from fading into an 'n' shape.

I waited and waited, for more than 15 minutes before i decided to leave.
It was until the next day did i knew that she was in the hall all the time talking to others.
That day i went home with a heavy heart. I wanted to cry out but i knew i can't.

I heard from others that Zy cried.
He said "At first i was only disappointed with my result but when all the people came asking for my result and asked me not to be sad, showing their care and concern for me, i can't hold back anymore"
Seriously, i was so envy of that as no one asked me to cheer up.
All they had said was "oh" and went off.
Not even Ft said any words.
(Even though she meant well by trying not to touch my wounds, i felt as though she had poured salt onto it instead.)

I was also envious of the happy nature of Ft too.
She is well-liked by so many people.
She talks to anyone and most of the time i can only listen to their conversation..
As Ft seat beside me most of the time in class, i was always in their conversation, playing the dumb role.
They laughed, i smiled. They joked, i hear. They talked, i listened.
That is a fun role. (how sarcastic)

"Can i cry?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because i hate you. "

Ha ha.
Really. I am not a kind-hearted girl.
I am selfish and wicked and i really hate this part of me.
I am just a great pretender.
Don't ever be fooled by me -^^-

I always said i wish for nothing when i do things. Bullshit.
I wished people would care just a little bit more for me.

How i wish someone would say this to me..

Sad things are what you expect when you had been really depressed and had, had enough of every single thing that might just happen.

Someday things will just get better without you realising it.. So just smile and let your trouble vanished into thin air.^^

CooL!

Hope You Can Declare That...

Also...

Attention Please!!!

JoKe =.=

I Agree That...

Negative Thoughts --- ThE UnPerFecT MiiE

2008-08-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sigh i do not know what to say.
How about telling you, my Chinese 'O' level results?
I got a B4 and just a pass for my oral.
Just like my "brother" - Zy said, "The feelings returns."
I bet the feelings was like what Ft had said to Mr Ang "though i expected it but i am still disappointed"
I was sad because i got a pass for oral (no chance of getting A1) and also i felt as though people were sorry to have asked for my result and looked down on me.

Everyone was saying "Jess Ong, i think you should had gotten A1!"
Well anyway everyone has their person in mind. I am just a nobody.

Oh.. About the party..
How i wish i was not there.

I got this feeling, everyone was unhappy because of me and Bh being there.
I know, if i was not there ft would had enjoyed it more.
Since all those invited were friends of Ft, they are who she can joke more to.
Feelings of being extras, almost made me thought that only Bh and I were there for a lunch.
I cannot help but admit, we went for the sake of attending, just to be there, just to prove how invisible i can be.

We were simply split into 3 groups - Ft and Zy were playing DS, another 4 girls were busy mingling, chit-chatting among themselves.
It was actually expected right from the start.
Please do not scold me a fool for inviting them even if i know i would be ignored as i meant well, wishing Ft to be happy.
(It is not a secret that to Ft, Zy is more important than me. Bh knew that i would be left out hence he went to accompany me.)
Anyway to Ft i am just someone slightly closer to a friend.
Other than that i am still a nobody.

I realised that when people asked me who is going, i counted 7, i left out myself.
Today too, during recess, i counted silently to myself we need how many chairs, "4" i thought.
However is 5..
I am always left out.

^^ *smile* ^^
(Often i said that to myself when i feel sorrow in my heart)

Nothing special had happened today.
Since it had been days since i updated my blog maybe i might be forgotten again.
But everything is gonna be alright as long as i carry a smile even if how terrible i feel.
I am no one but nobody with no significant to this world, not even a single bit at all.

May everyone be happy and cheerful not like me smiling from the outside but a smile which is as true as what you feel when you like someone.(I wish from the bottom of my heart!)

We Rock!

2008-08-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

Team 5B Rocks!!!

Wow! I had never encountered any secondary 5 class as famous as our class!
Not that i am boasting because it is my class but it is really true!
For instant, we just won Clean & Green award(thanks to FT!)!
Though i thought this was supposed to be won by 5A...
We had the title "Sports Class Of The Year" and the banner (Sport Fiesta) is still outside our classroom!
We have another banner coming up for the Cross Country race (thanks to all the top 6 boys!), we also won the decorating award for sec 4 & 5 no.2.
Also not to miss out we got to the top 3 for our humanities quiz.(thanks to Jessica Ong, Qi Hao & Fuk Kin).(Ya.. we got no.3 but we overcame the challengers from all the sec 4 & 5!)

Before i forget! Our class was specially mentioned in a letter from our Vice-Principal!

To praise us for the determination we had in the Cross Country race!
(i am so proud of my class!)
Hence i will work harder in the coming prelims so that we could stand a chance to be compare with the express! (will you really do that?)

Actually i was disappointed that we did not have our celebration today as our form teacher was absent.
I regretted going to school as i am still sick.

What is love?

"Love is painful isn't it?" this question was being asked by a junior of mine.
My answer to him was love is painful when the person you like do not like you.
However it is beautiful if you both like each other.
To me, love is nature, nature is beauty at the same time it is mysterious.
Hence love is mystery and humans are always drawn to mysterious things.
I am not a devoted science student, however as a human beings, i cannot be spared from the attraction of this mystery-like feelings too...

Yeah! Tomorrow i am going to work! $6 per hour!
Cool right? Just by folding papers and place them into envelopes!

Ha ha. I have to go now.
My mummy is nagging non-stop because i am using the computer and "robbing" the chance of her to use it...
Sigh my mum is too high-technology...

My Day Off

2008-08-06T05:26:00.000-07:00

Sick...Today i am free from going to school however i am busy with sleeping and "entangling" with the sick demon -.-" (lame)

However i am really please to find out that there are a lot of friends who care for me.
As i remembered clearly one year ago no one cares about me not even my best friend(as we were not in good terms or to say even if we are, she thinks i am not going to school because i want to rest.)
I was rather sad then, but i also realised that i have to consider about what others think, not only what i want them to do.
For instant my best friend did not asked why i am not in school because she does not want to waste her sms.
Though it sounds like i am just running away, it is better than thinking she does not cares about me right? Not to even mentioned what if it is really that case?

Speaking of which, the party i am organising and the card i am doing is delayed just because i did not went to school.
Perhaps i should just go to school and get it done...
Which is the least i want to do as i look so ugly (though i do not really look pretty normally either. =.=")

On Monday, one of my friends (FG) says that "Why are you doing it for her even though she is not going to this for you.", when i was asking my teacher to write something for my best friend's birthday card.
I pretended that i did not hear anything as i do not know what to say but i think people normally will just do stupid things despite the fact that they know what they do are going to go down the drain as no one will cares.
Actually sometimes humans just have to act like they do not really care even if they do.

I used to think when you give someone a present, you will get one with the same values in returns.
Also the more you care for someone, the same you will get in returns, however these thinkings are selfish and childish they are bullshit too.
Those you care for might not even cares for you at all, is what is really happening around the world.
So it is better to just care for what you think that person is to you, than what the person will do to treat you in returns.

I just realised that i lied.
To my friend, the one i gave my blog to.
Not so much of lying but i told him i am not going to record what happened day to day but now it seems like i am doing what i say i am not going to do.
It is hard. If i am not going to write what happened, i am just going to write my questions to this unfair world.
Quoted from my teacher "God is fair, it is the World that is unfair."
So true.

Anyway, i am going to school tomorrow even if i am sick!
I had been looking forward to it ever since yesterday!
Our form teacher said that we will be celebrating our classmates birthday tomorrow!!!
Cake/Party i am coming~~~

Ya... Before i go, i would like to introduce this song!!!
It is really nice!
Enjoy it^^

Song Title: Jikan Yo Tomare
Album: Itazura na Kiss OST

(you have to press play yourself as i have another song in the background...)

SleepyzzZ

2008-08-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

I have not thought of any title...I will just add it later...
Today is a sleepy day.
As i had a little amount of sleep (maybe just 3 to 4 hours) and i am off to school.
The reason why i am so damn it tired is also due to the day before i slept for 4 hours only.
Yesterday i was rushing with the card i had been decorating, to be given to Foong Ting on 11 August..
Sigh... Because of this party, my friends and i have had a lot of disagreement and i was damn pissed off by some.
Anyway today was an overall fun day (are you sure?)
OK. I am not as i was angry with one guy however now we are fine.

Let me just go straight to the point.
Yesterday i gave my blog http to one of my friends.
I am not sure when will he be reading this post, however i really want to take this chance to thank him for the support when i feel sad or angry.
He is really someone sweet, though the him in school is rather a whole world difference from the one i know.
Friends Forever! ^^

Nothing more to say...
Hence i will say goodbye now...
May the party on next Monday be a successful one.

Hope to see you soon!!!
My eyes are forcing to shut, bye...

hello

2008-08-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

I know...Seriously i know that it is very late now [2.22a.m]
It had been so long since i posted anything.
I tried to post things or even words but often i am choked in my words hence i gave up.
Prelims are coming, however i am still not at all motivated nor scared.
It is not as if i have confidence in myself; i think i am bad and need to work a lot harder to attain what i want to however i am just to lazy to get started.
My school life is definitely enjoyable, though most of the time people can find me sleeping in class. (sorry that i am a born pig!)

Wahaha... Sigh...
I realised i have nothing much to say.
Today is just a boring day. I slept till 2 p.m and i dreamt that there were monster who wants to eat me. Also 3 guys were caning me =.="'
I think it was hilarious though.

Was sad not long ago.
As i was jealous of a girl.
Maybe just how people sees her.
Ya she did rather well in her studies however i have no motivation to win her nor anyone else other than my best friend...

Let's enjoy some nice anime picture!^^

Yup that is all!
Nothing much to say^^
Bye until next time!

Should had been sad.

2008-04-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

I know, i really know that i am ought to be sad, grieving over the death of my kitten Miao Miao (5-4-08).
However, i was heartless. I have had to force my tears before i could actually even cry.
She was poisoned to death. It was obvious that i did not know who the murderer was, but i do not really blamed that person like what my mother and sister had done--cursing him/her.
As i think the person might had only planned to kill the mice or rat; however my cat got it first.

I did felt sad. Yet it was only when she was buried into the soil.
When i saw the soil covering her face, did i notice, she was really gone -- to the heaven, i wish.

I told 4 of my best friends about it, and 2 of them comfort me.
One said that my kitten had only over slept and did not wish to wake up.
The other said that i should let her go to where ever she should be.

I was telling to the 4th friend about my cat during lunch today.
When i was talking to her, strange feelings occupied me.
I suddenly felt like crying.
As i know, soon, no one will remember her as deeply as now.

Another cat, Qi Qi, who is a best friend of Miao Miao had been waiting for her to arrive home, ever since her death.
No one would have had experienced what Qi Qi is going through now.
Would Qi Qi get pass Miao Miao soon?
Will i forget Miao Miao soon?
I do not know.
What i can answer was, she is never going to be waving its' long tail at me nor follow me wherever i might go.
Also she would be just lying in the cold soil, buried with the love we had for her and sealed with our tears.

My sleeping beauty -- Miao Miao.
Please rest in peace.
Love you.

Sorry for not putting any pictures.

Lost

2008-03-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

I had always been dreaming, trapped, in my own world.

I locked myself in that room, trying hard to escape from the cruelty of the world, trying to lie and be innocent.
I know it is time to stop hiding however i am not courageous enough.

I am very depressed today, i wonder why.
I do not know who i am, i do not know if i am pretending to be others or if i am not.
Perhaps this is what everyone always says --- mood swing.

If i am hiding, i wish i could step out of that room.

If i am dreaming, i wish i would wake up tomorrow.

If i am afraid of the real world, i wish for courage to overcome them.

Today is an adventurous day.

I experienced all kinds of mood. Happiness, Angriness, Sadness and Madness.

If you ask me how i managed all this, i would say i do not know.
One day.
There are 24 hours, i enjoyed my time in school, being occupied and having no time to waste thinking about nonsense.

Things went wrong when i was home.
I was angry just because my sister made me wait for her.
I was crazy after that by asking lots of questions that no one, but me could have know the answer.

Later i felt that i am sad because i felt lost.
I do not know who i am.
My friend says i should just be myself.
However who am i? And who in this world is myself?

I was touched too.

Someone i always know cheer me up.
I never thought he would listen to me or have i long forgotten him?

When i lost my phone, he changes my mood from frustration to laughter by cursing that person.
He said that at least he thinks that i am the person he knew.

I like them.
I really do like them very, very much.
They are my friend that is why i like them.
Although they are weird, they are caring.
Perhaps not everyone can change my mood when i am down, all i need is someone who is willing to listen.
When i am in need, they will be there.
So how can i not like them?

Let's take a look at this flower.
We went to the national library on Saturday, 29-3-08, to study.
I took a picture of the flower near our seat.

It is beautiful.

May everyone finds their true friends in life.

Hiie^^

2008-03-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

As everyone or just only me, know that this is not an up-to-date blog and i would not say i would try to make it one as i just cannot really take that time out.
I really do appreciate if anyone ever drop by and read my blog.

Today was a tiring day.

We went to school despite the fact that is was a Saturday.
Of course i was as bored as ever,

but i did managed a small talk with my best friend no.1!
We talked almost about nonsense however i did had fun.

The tough part is that we have to complete the project by Thursday.

I do enjoy the course, really i did.

Though most of the time i was watching my best friend talking to another guy and having fun or she would be enjoying the silent moment where she could message her darling.
Yet i do know and was aware that she cannot just stick around with me forever or the other way round- me sticking around her.
So i have to be independent. I do not know how much time we actually have but just for now, i should learn as much as i could to be alone.

Well an unimportant guy said that i always copied her, will i, one day snatched her boyfriend?
Gosh! Do you know? I felt like yelling at this idiot guy saying "Open your eyes! I did copy her but i am not going to snatch any one's boyfriend!"
Of course he was just kidding,

so i did not react the way i wished i would.

Also 2 great 'angels' quite spoiled my day.
Well there was this guy in my group who kept laughing and doing hand sign to disagrees with me because i was not in good term with the others in the project discussion.

I am not that scary, i do not think i need to be mock by him!!!
The other angel just kept following me and he always is the one who destroy my entire happy mood.
I really do feel like doing this to both of them!!!

And this!!

Ha ha. My best friend was fantastic!
She did catwalk in front of the whole class!!!

Which, certainly i did not have had that courage at the moment.

I read a book "Where rainbow end" by Cecelia Ahern

I had read 2 of her books and i loved them.
However i do not like this story.
The ending is the main reason for this decision.
Why did the leads only managed to be together after 50 years?
I do agree it was a happy ending. But it was a bad one too!

OK. i will stop here.
May everyone stays happy ^^

Before i go,

take a look at my kittie ^^

But! They are not stray cats!

Name:

Gender: male

Age: 5 months

Name:

Gender: Female

Age: Unknown

Name:

Gender: Female

Age: 4 months

Life --- Mum & Friends

2008-03-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

What is life? What are we fighting so hard for? Why do we have to base on merit to be promoted? Why is the world becoming more and more "darker"?

My mum always says this are questions that will only be ask by children.
She always says that i am like a kid with lots of childish thinking, which, i think is not true at all.
Yes. I agree that i am childish at times, yet i do not agree that i am, for most of the time.
My life, i have been living, surviving in this world for almost seventeen years since i was last "trapped" in the womb.
I had my thinking all this while; i do know how to differentiate between good or bad.
Sometimes or to be honest most of the time i am confused about them but everyone feels the same isn't it, you cannot possibly judge me by this right?

I had never been in a relation before, which i think wasn't really essential for my age, i trust my friends whom i treat them as my real sister.
Mum, of course agreed with me for thinking boyfriends are not essential, but she totally disagrees for trusting my friends.
I am aware. Aware that humans are greedy being and i am not spared either.
Yet i want to trust them, i knew that they could be trusted for now.

Actually i do not know why i am addressing all this when no one had said anything that irritates me today.
Speaking of which, i had watched movie "Rule #1" with two of my best friends.
The show was quite OK, just that i am not really, totally, freaked out.

Since it was a horror movie, i had expected more from it...
If you like, do take a look at this trailer ^^

Anyway i did enjoyed myself as i went with my best friends who are fun to be with, nice to talk to and encouraging.
I do not know if they give helpful comments to me but i do know that when i am sad, most of the time, they will listen quietly and attentively.
Though sometimes i feel apart from them as they had their new friends, i still feel quite contented to have them as friends.
Perhaps what my teacher had said this morning "though most of the people say old friends are better than new, in many case it is not true at all." yet i believe if we are true to one another and take the initiative to contact each other, nothing is going to change.

I took a photo of the sky yesterday, is it clear?

Ha ha it was quite rare that it was a sunny day yesterday since it had always been raining most of the time!! ^^

Once again let us enjoy some pictures or words about friendship ^^

Ha ha, ho ho! Last but not least,

ALSO

Changes --- What i had always hate.

2008-03-14T03:47:00.000-07:00

Life is full of questions and mysteries...
Why are human surviving in the Earth? Who is the first mankind on Earth etc.
Are questions without an answer also known as -- mystery.

Even with all this unknown answers and questions, i know...

I love my current life, my friends and my family.

Like every one in the world i have dreams for my future.

At times i am depressed,

at times i am crazy

and most of the time i am lonely.

I am rather fearful of my future, i do not know if any of my friends i regard now as, will remain till then.
There is no doubt to my love for them... However as time past by, we became cold towards each other.
I do not know if i am the one who had changed or them, but i just know it does not really matter at all.
Crying cannot solve any problems and it is a sign of weakness but that is what i am always doing lately.
I hate changes as, you do not know if you are changing for the better or - the worst.

I had just finished reading "P.S. I Love You" by Cecelia Ahern

To me this story is wonderful and sad.
Though the ending was considered as a happy one, yet when the author describe about Gerry (male lead) and how he had felt in the last few chapters, i can't help but let my tears took over my sight.
It was touching and definitely awesome!
He said that he felt so jealous and unfair for Holly (his wife).
On the last letter he left for Holly it asked her to find her new love, which, i think makes my heartbroke.
Well after reading the story, i asked what if i was to die, will anyone remember me?
What if no one cares for me?
What if everything is going to change dramatically by tomorrow?
How will i be able to withstand all this?
So changes are the most scary things that could happen in life.
Perhaps all those ambiguous promise people vowed to one another cannot be compared to a sentence "i love you" as that is what is needed to warm up the heart of mine.

My friends, nowadays i always feel bored when i am with them. I feel that i am isolated by them.

Perhaps the truth is i am hiding in my shell, or perhaps because i do not talk. The sight of them being happy without me makes me wanna cry at times. Even though, sometimes i vowed to myself never to talk to them, once i started talking, i will be happy again...
Well i know i am being lame and childish, but that is me!

Ha ha well let's enjoy some pictures of "changes and dream"

Hope you enjoy these images i had found ^^

May you have a nice time reading.

Love ya

Bye ^^

Life --- hope or hopeless?

2008-03-01T06:06:00.000-08:00

No one can conceal the truth when they are facing their heart.

In life we are destined to face challenges and on the journey to our death, we often hurt people around us and sometimes even ourselves.

What is the meaning of life? Why are some of us crying at night?

Today is the first day of march.

I have a few plans for today since yesterday,

1. go to sch

2. teach my friend principle of accounts

3. enjoy the rest of the day with 2 of my best friends!

However things turn out the opposite of what is expected..

I had a quarrel with one of my best friend, she told me that she does not wants to be my friend anymore.

I was sad for sure but since she was the one who brought this up and i was in the most terrible mood ever, i agreed to it.

At first i thought everything is fine, the world is not going to stop revolving around the sun and i am not going to die without her..

Yet i cannot helped myself even with all the excuses i had made.

So eventually i ruined my plans.

Despite of everything that had happened i felt more like crying when i lost contact with a German friend.

Though we only knew each other for less than a year, i trusted him.
Perhaps i was actually sad to lose 2 best friends in just one day.

Also I read a book and i find it very interesting...

It says that if you want to succeed do not hide your thinking, show it!

To many people it is important to conceal their secrets especially when it is with close relation with your future so an example would be, when you finishes your project you tends to keep it in low profile hoping no one else would have the same idea as yours.

However the book states that the key to success is to let others know about it, as if this happen you will try your best to find more knowledge.

I think it is so true!

Well so what is life?

Perhaps at times when you are upset life seems hopeless but when you find things that could cheer you up life would be full of hope again. So cheer up! ^^